


Icarus

by Mr_Ghost (Mx_Nobody)



Series: Everything Stays [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Bato/Hakoda - Freeform, Child Abuse, Dialogue Light, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, The Zuko Tags, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), he's just there for zuko to realize hes gay, sokka suki and zuko are the same age, toph is sokka and katara's foster sibling, toph katara and aang are a year younger than them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mx_Nobody/pseuds/Mr_Ghost
Summary: Zuko’s often told he’s the spitting image of his father. Adults ruffle his hair and his father will smile a little bit and look down at him. “You should see him and Ursa,” is all his father says and all the adults will laugh. They don’t see that his father hates him.-He feels calm and safe in his uncle’s presence. His uncle whose touch is soft and careful, who never raised his voice or a hand, who makes Zuko smile and feel happy.
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Iroh (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Bato/Hakoda (Avatar), Iroh & Ozai (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Ozai & Zuko (Avatar), Ozai/Ursa (Avatar), Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Suki & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Zuko, Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Everything Stays [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826950
Comments: 29
Kudos: 588





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tw for the use of the F-slur! it’s used derogatory but only once.

Zuko’s often told he’s the spitting image of his father. Adults ruffle his hair and his father will smile a little bit and look down at him. “You should see him and Ursa,” is all his father says and all the adults will laugh. They don’t see that his father  _ hates _ him. 

“You are nothing like me,” his father sneers “You are a worthless excuse of a son.” his mother will turn her head away like she didn’t hear anything and Azula will do the same. (At night mother will tuck him in with a kiss and whisper that father is a liar and that he’s not worthless.)

-

His mother gets sick when he’s 9. She dies a year later and his world comes crashing around him. He cries until his father finds him.

“Boys don’t cry,” he says, grabbing Zuko by the shoulder and yanking him off the ground. Zuko can’t stop crying. His mother just  _ died _ . The only person in his life he was sure loved him. Father looks angry, which is a bad sign but Zuko can’t  _ stop.  _ He can’t stop the tears from rolling down his face and he can’t stop the choked sobs, even though he knows  _ he needs to stop or something bad will happen _ . Azula peeks out from the doorway.

It hurts for Zuko to breathe for the next couple of days. 

Zuko does not cry at the funeral, and neither does Azula or their father. The only person Zuko actually recognizes at the funeral is his uncle. (why do they only see him at funerals? Lu Tens was only a couple of months ago). He is not allowed to talk to uncle without father there to make sure he doesn’t say anything.

“Ozai,” Uncle says, his eyes are puffy and his nose is red from crying “I’m so sorry.” 

Uncle hugs each and every one of them and it’s the first time in a far too long that Zuko’s has been touched by someone that didn’t leave a mark. Uncle smells like tea and lavender, like home. In his uncle's arms, he feels safe. Zuko never wants to leave. But he has too, because father will be mad, and he can’t risk that, especially if he realizes that uncle makes him feel safe. 

Everyone gives them their condolences, some through tears, some dry faced, and some with puffy eyes and red noses. Zuko does not say anything but thank you. Most of them probably chalk it up to him losing his mother, but Zuko is really just terrified of what father will do if he says anything. He thinks deep down, Azula is terrified too, even if she tries to pretend she’s not. He wishes he could talk to her.

-

Zuko hates going back to school afterward. Azula acts like everything is fine, Zuko can’t keep his grades above passing. He fades into the background of the classroom, not talking to anyone or participating unless he has too. He feels nothing, his head is filled with static and everything around him is bland and grey.

They call his father, of course, they say they’re worried about him. (he doubts they are, his grades just reflect badly on them. If they really cared they wouldn’t talk to father at all.)

“His mother passed recently, they were really close.” Is what father tells them. So his teachers start going easy on him. Extending his due dates, giving him 50’s instead of 0’s on work he never turns in. It raises his grades to passing. It’s still not enough, it’s  _ never enough _ . Especially not when Azula is the perfect child, Friends, good grades, father’s perfect girl. (she’s only 8, he reminds himself.)

But then sometime during the summer, his emptiness turns to anger. And then no one cares if Zuko lost his mother, he gets into  _ fights,  _ he  _ talks back _ . He doesn’t deserve any  _ empathy _ . He becomes accustomed to being bruised, he’s only 12 but he hates the world, hates  _ himself. _ He hates the kids who can smile and laugh and go home without worrying about bruises or scars. He hates them so fucking much. He hates going home to his father, hates going home to a house that will  _ never _ be a home. He hates himself and his father and Azula and her friends. He hates that he’s grown accustomed to bruises and anxiety attacks and panic attacks in the dead of the night. He hates that his body becomes foreign to him, he doesn’t recognize himself in the mirror, or in family photos.

The only time Zuko isn’t angry at everyone are the few times he sees his uncle. His father had all but banned them from visiting him, but that doesn’t stop Zuko from sneaking out and visiting The Jasmine Dragon, Uncle’s tea shop. Zuko doesn’t necessarily like tea, but sitting down with a hot cup of tea with his uncle makes him forget everything he hates for just a second. He feels calm and safe in his uncle’s presence. His uncle whose touch is soft and careful, who never raised his voice or a hand, who makes Zuko smile and feel  _ happy. _

But Zuko eventually has to return home. Back to a father with too loud of a voice and too heavy a hand. Who bruises and breaks and hurts him.

-

He’s almost 13 when he makes his first friend. His name is Sokka, and he immediately invites Zuko to meet his friends, Katara, Toph, Aang, and Suki. They’re nice to him, they listen to him when he talks and take interest in his life. They invite him to hang out with them (“I can’t sorry, I have to watch my little sister after school.”) Their eyes also linger a little too long on his bruises, and sometimes they open their mouths to say something before they slam shut. 

It’s also around this time Zuko develops a crush on his classmate, Lee. Another boy. A  _ boy.  _ He knows what his father thinks about boys who like boys. He  _ knows _ he’s not  _ allowed _ to feel these things. But that doesn’t stop Zuko from getting butterflies in his stomach when  Lee is assigned as his partner for a group project. Or when Lee laughs a little too loudly. Or when he looks at Zuko.

Zuko feels an overwhelming sense of guilt every time he gets those butterflies, so he tries to forget about them, tries to push the feelings out of his mind. Tries not to flinch when the kids throw around the word “gay” like an insult or use the same words his father uses. But he fails every time. He cries silently in the safety of his locked room late into the night.

“I’m not gay” He’ll whisper to himself. He’s not sure if he believes it. 

-

His 13th birthday comes and goes without much of a celebration, he hasn’t had once since his mother died. He doesn’t deserve one. He just visits his uncle, who gives him $20 and a knife.

“It’s a family heirloom,” He says “Passed down from eldest to eldest, and since Lu Ten isn’t here, it’s yours.” Zuko opens the sheath, the knife is engraved in Chinese.

“What does it say?”

“Never give up without a fight.”

Zuko hides the knife and money from his father and sister. But he thinks its the best birthday present he’s ever gotten.

Sokka, Toph, Aang, Suki, and Katara are all angry that he hadn’t told them about his birthday, he tells them that he doesn’t really celebrate it and they demand that he hangs out with them and celebrates with them. And so he does, he lets them drag him to Sokka, Toph, and Katara’s house where he meets their dads and eat cake. He probably stares at their dads for too long, (He’s never met anyone like him, he didn’t know that it was even possible to get married to another man) because Katara angrily asks if anything is wrong.

“No,” He says (He hopes they don’t notice that he flinches) “Sorry,”

He enjoys himself, and they even give him a My Chemical Romance T-shirt.

“We heard that you liked them,” Sokka says “Sorry it was I could get in a short time.”

“Thank you,” He whispers, it’s barely audible but he’s sure Sokka hears it because he breaks out into a grin.

He’s thirteen now, 3 years since his mother died. 3 years since he felt safe enough in his house to call it home.

-

He’s walking with Suki and Sokka to class, when he hears someone yell. There’s Jet, making fun of some younger boys for holding hands. Calling them all the words his father calls him in anger. It makes Zuko’s blood boil. He tears away from Sokka and Suki.

“Hey,” Zuko says, pushing Jet away from the boys, “Don’t say that shit.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Jet says, taking his attention away from the boys “What are you, gay?”

“Does that matter? I know you're just a little insecure bitch who takes out his mommy issues on other kids” and there’s Jet’s fist. 

Zuko throws a fist back as the other kids in the hallway gather around them. 

“Zuko!” he hears Sokka yell. but Jet grabs a fist full of his hair and drags it down. 

-

Zuko shouldn’t have gotten into that fight. because now he’s sitting in the principals office with a busted lip waiting for his father to pick him up. He’s been suspended for a couple of days. 

He shouldn’t have gotten into that fight because now his father has to take time off of work to hear about how his son got into another fight and then has to take said kid home. 

To say he’s terrified is an understatement. Zuko’s almost sure he’s going to die. 

When his father does show up, he pretends not to be angry, he smiles and apologizes to the principal for making him wait. But his grip on Zuko's wrist is going to leave bruises. 

Zuko is lucky that his father just drops him off and tells him that they’ll talk about it later. He has time to prepare. He doesn’t know if he’ll die tonight, but he sure knows that he'll  _ wish  _ he was. 

Azula arrives home a little while later. She goes up to her room without so much as glancing at Zuko and he is left waiting anxiously for father to get home.

-

Father arrives home just after 7. Zuko wishes he'd gone too see uncle, just to feel safe for a little while. 

Father does not acknowledge his presents, he instead goes into the kitchen and begins cooking dinner. 

Zuko grows more anxious. 

It's far too silent for Zuko, but he’s afraid of making noise, anything could set his father off. 

“Zuko,” Father says, his voice is flat “come here.” Zuko stands on shaky legs and walks into the kitchen. 

“Yes father?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Speak up when you talk,”

“Yes father?” he says again, a little louder this time. 

“You know what I think about you getting to fights right?” it’s not a question, but Zuko answers anyway

“Yes sir.”

“And you know the punishment for getting into fights right?” Zuko’s back aches from phantom pain. 

“yes sir.” his father slams down the spatula and looks at Zuko. 

“Then why did you get in another fight?” 

“Jet shouldn’t be moving fun kids for holding hands.” it’s silent. He’s made a mistake. 

“Did… did you defend gays?” his father's voice is too soft. Zuko’s silence is the answer. 

“why? you know how  _ disgusting _ gay people are.” Zuko can’t respond, he’s frozen in place. 

“Is it because your gay? are you such a disappointment that you’ve become a faggot?”

“No,” zuko whispers. It doesn’t sound true.

The next thing he feels is his face explode in pain, and his mouth opens involuntarily to scream. 

-

Zuko doesn’t know who calls his uncle and the police, but the next thing he knows he’s in his uncle's arms and he can hear the wail of the police sirens. 

“Uncle,” he tries to say, but his throat is too raw and he  _ can’t.  _

“Shh,” his uncle says “You’ll be okay.”

Zuko doesn’t think he will, but his uncle is there and even if he’s in  _ so  _ much pain, he hopes for a second that his uncle is right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t know if i’m gonna make this multi-fic or not. also not recognizing yourself in the mirror? that’s shit feels weird.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything stays  
> Right where you left it  
> Everything stays  
> But it still changes

Zuko spends the next couple of days in the hospital, most of the time asleep. But somehow, every time he wakes up his uncle is right next to him. No matter if it’s in the dead of night or mid afternoon. Uncle plays card games with him and helps navigate without his left eye. No one else visits except Azula, who can’t look him in the eyes and can barely mutter out a ‘hello’.

“You’ll be partially deaf and blind on your left side,” the doctor had said “You’re lucky you didn’t lose the eye.” Zuko doesn’t feel lucky.

When he finally gets out (though still bandaged), uncle takes him to his house above the tea shop. He explains that he’s suing his father for custody of him and Azula, and that Zuko will probably have to testify. Zuko likes the idea of living with uncle. In fact, it sounds like a dream. Getting out of that hell hole and living with the only person he really felt safe with. But testifying sounds terrifying and something inside him says that his father will win. (‘He’s rich and powerful’ a voice whispers ‘he can get away with anything’) 

He gives Zuko the option to stay home for a little longer, go to school next week, or be homeschooled. And as much as Zuko wants to see his friends, he doesn’t want to go to school yet, especially with a giant bandage covering half his face that he has to change twice a day and have antibiotic cream rubbed on.

“Can, Can I stay home for a little longer?” he asks quietly.

“Of course.”

-

It’s nice, not having to worry about his father hurting him at every moment. His uncle is always there when he wakes up from nightmares. He doesn’t ask what they’re about, he just holds Zuko while he cries and stays with him until he falls asleep again. 

He has therapy once a week along with Azula. The lady he sees is nice, she doesn’t push him to talk and she tells him that everything he says is between them. He tells her bits and pieces, just what he feels he can trust her with in case his father takes him back. His father hating him, Azula being better than him at everything, his mother dying, his friends and uncle being nice.

He gets a phone not long after getting home from the hospital. He only has uncles number in it, but it’s nice knowing he can get his friend's numbers when he goes back. (Uncle makes an offhand comment about ‘the girls being all over him soon’ and Zuko tries not to flinch)

-

Zuko takes a total of 2 weeks off school. He still has his bandages when he goes back, but they only need to be changed once a day. Everyone at the school steal second glances at him, and he can tell the question is on the tip of everyone’s tongue. _‘what happened to zuko?’_ There are whispers exchanged in the hallways and the teachers look at him with pity. He hates it. 

He tries to avoid his friends, he doesn’t want them to look at him with pity, or ask questions or leave him. It doesn’t work of course, cause Suki shares a 3rd period class with him. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees the bandages wrapped around the left side of his face. It only lasts a second though.

“Zuko,” she says with a smile “We missed you!”

“Hi Suki,” he says. It’s quiet.

“You missed so much, Sokka, Toph, and I tried to fight Jet but Katara and Aang stopped us. We’re pretty sure he moved or something because he came back like 3 days later for like a day and we haven’t seen him since.” Zuko just nods. It’s nice knowing Jet won’t be around. 

Most of the teachers just excuse all the work he missed, he’s not sure if uncle talked to them or if they took one look at his half bandaged face and decided they’d excuse it. But he still has to catch up and do all the work he missed in history and math. He does not, however, have to participate in PE. A dream come true if you ask him. 

Lunch is okay, none of his friends ask about the bandages or where he’s been but they all glance at him when they think he’s not looking. They talk about other things, movies, music, whatever really. Zuko doesn’t talk much, but he likes hearing his friends' voices. He gets their numbers, and they add him to their group chat.

-

The trial comes too soon for Zuko, he doesn’t even have the bandages off yet. Uncle takes him and Azula out of school for the day so they can testify. His friends ask where he is, he tells them something came up but doesn’t elaborate. He’s not ready to tell them.

It’s the first time Zuko sees his father in a little over 2½ weeks. He realizes pretty quickly that he’s _not ready to see him again._ He can remember the pain of his face being burnt, the smell of burnt flesh and the unforgiving presence of his father. He moves closer to his uncle, hoping to hide his shaking. 

Zuko is called to witness first. When he gets to the witness box, a man brings out a huge white dog and let's it hop in with him. 

“His name is Appa,” He tells him quietly. He let him take the leash in his hand and rest his feet close enough to feel the soft fur. It’s nice, and he feels okay.

Uncle's lawyer asks him about how his father treated him, his mother’s death, and what happened to his face. And he tells her. About his father's heavy hand sharp tongue. About how his mother was the only one who he felt loved him and when she died the whole world went dark. He talks about sneaking out to visit uncle because uncles the only place he felt safe. He refuses to cry in front of the jury and his father, but he can’t stop a couple of tears from slipping out of his good eye. He doesn’t say why father burned his face, he just can’t, he can’t get the words out of his mouth. He’s terrified of what uncle or azula might think. But it’s enough for uncles lawyer. He gets cross examined by father's lawyer. He asks questions about dates and stuff that’s hard to remember. but he tries his best. 

Uncle goes next, they take Appa out. He figures uncle doesn’t need him. He’s not there nearly as long as Zuko was, which he’s kind of grateful for because he doesn’t like sitting there without his uncle to keep him safe. He talks about Zuko’s nightmares and what happened the day Zuko was burned.

After him is Azula and his therapist, who talks about their mental health and stuff, what she notices during their therapy sessions. A couple more people who knew them or father testify after her and then it’s Azula’s turn. 

Appa is also let into the witness box when Azula gets in, but unlike Zuko, she doesn’t take the leash in her hand, but she does look more relaxed. 

Zuko has never talked to Azula about how father treated them. If they talked it was usually just Azula teasing him or when Zuko hung around her and her friends. 

She answers mostly the same questions as him. How father treated them, their mother's death etc etc. Her answers are similar, but also different. Father never hit her, but she was always afraid he would. He always made her feel like failure or being like Zuko wasn’t an option. Father always pit them against each other and made sure Azula came out on top no matter what. The trial ends with the lawyers closing statement. The next day will be fathers turn. 

He doesn’t have to go the next day, so he doesn’t. He’ll hear from uncle what happens and he’ll do anything not to see his father again.

Uncle is still in court by the time school gets out, so he goes and hangs out with his friends at the park down the road after school. It’s not far from The Jasmine Dragon so he's sure he can walk back if uncle can’t pick him up. 

An hour later the trail still hasn’t ended, Katara, Toph, and Sokka’s dads won’t let him walk home, so he hangs out at their place until he finally gets the text from uncle. 

They won. Azula and him are in his uncle's custody, his father gets 4 years in prison, and they’ll have restraining orders against him when he gets out. a warm feeling spreads across his chest and he can’t suppress a wide smile or stop the tears from rolling down his face. 

Uncle picks him up only 20 minutes later. He apologizes many times to Hakoda and Bato, and then gives them coupons to the tea shop along with his number. They of course say it’s no problem and that they’re happy to have Zuko over anytime.

He waves goodbye to his friends and as he’s getting into his uncle's car he thinks ‘Uncle was right, everything did turn out okay.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn’t going to add more but then i thought about it. add me on twitter @zukokinnie where i’m gay

**Author's Note:**

> do y'all recognize yourself in the mirror? like when I look in a mirror i know logically that's me but also like,,, it's not. i know it’s probably derealization from dysphoria and being abused but idk.🤪  
> I want iroh to adopt me this is a cry for help my parents suck.  
> as a mlm with Not Good Dad i’m legally required to kin Zuko  
> I might make this multi-chaptered or a series if people want it. but I suck at long fics.  
> follow me on twt @izukukin and look at my other works if you my bnha 👉👈


End file.
